I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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