It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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