i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
