I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
