I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
