She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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