Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
