well I can't set my house on fire every night
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
