i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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