Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
then he tried to convert me to islam
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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