I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
