Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My breasts were aching with rage.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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