Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
