You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
