Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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