i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
