My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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