Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
