If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
