is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
