you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
