Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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