You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
