I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
