I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
