is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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