Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
