I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
