You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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