After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
