Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He? As in you personified your dick?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
