My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
