Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Two words: blizzard sex
i need some magic done to my vagina
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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