unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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