never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
