Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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