Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
