Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
