I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
