She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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