i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
