the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
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