i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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