My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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