i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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