I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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