i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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