You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
