i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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