And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
