They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
