worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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