I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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