she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
third nipple confirmed
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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