He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
