i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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