M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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