so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
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I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
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Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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