I'm lost and stupid without you.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize