I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
