Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
