i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
