Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
