dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
