wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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