I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
