I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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