literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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