Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
