Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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