i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
