Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
