Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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