Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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