i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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