I just made out with a guy for $7.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize