I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
