Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
